Pulp Cthulhu

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Jeremy
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Re: Pulp Cthulhu

Post by Jeremy »

It’s a good thing we weren’t there to see how he savoured some parts more than others…
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Re: Pulp Cthulhu

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Not the first evening Hilaire's spent gagging on cock.
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Re: Pulp Cthulhu

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As Canning muscled his way through the lobby, Derrick grabbed Karina and they ran outside onto the steps beckoning for Randall and Christina to help. But almost instantly the hotel door glass shattered open and Karina was grabbed by a huge tongue as Canning pulled her towards him. Derrick tried to free her but Canning knocked her unconscious and turned his attention to the heroes. Derrick summoned his powers of magic and blasted Canning's mortal soul with a huge surge of energy. Unfortunately the mental anguish this caused snapped Derricks mind and he stumbled away blindly, just managing to bend down as Canning threw a huge fist at him. Randall and Christina arrived and they began trading blows and dropping pot plants. Eventually a shot to the brain by our heroic hunter decapitated the hapless bodyguard.

Meanwhile Hilaire emerged from his room looking like Jonathan Taylor and feeling the need to drink vast quantities of alcohol. He met a strange man who seemed to know him - who warned him that someone was trying to kill his friend Vikmatji. At this point 2 trenchcoated goons walked through the lobby and quickly upstairs. Hilaire followed them at a distance and observed them breaking into a room. So obviously he lit a stick of dynamite and approached them.

Dr Singh was in the restaurant in the same hotel. He saw the goons. He saw Hilaire/Taylor. He decided to continue trying to cop off with his date Sonal. She told him that other people had been asking about the crown in the museum - two Americans (sounding like Meadham/Canning) and a weird old lady who was called Sbapnadrasta - which Singh recognised as Bengali for "dreamer". Singh was only distracted from his sexual predatory plans by observing Rose Meadham in the lobby with a suitcase. He immediately left his girlfriend to finish her pudding and went over to talk to Rose. His opening line was a classic of subtlety and diplomacy… "are you good or evil?". Rose pointed out that there were a lot of evil people in Calcutta - namely her father and the Dreamer. She proposed an alliance to stop them and gave him a gift that might prove useful…… A Haftoran Device (aka magical nuclear bomb). They agreed to meet again the next morning.

Hilaire meanwhile had killed one goon with dynamite but saw the other now outside in the street chasing a young indian man who - recognising Hilaire as Taylor - shouted for help. Hilaire dropped into the street and began a chase through the alleyways, street vendors and snake charmers.

Back at the Grand Hotel, the frail old Joshua Meadham emerged from the doorway and looked in horror at his dead manservant. Then with a triple forward somersault kicked Randall in the throat. Turns out he was a kung fu master. Who'd have thought it? Randall, Christina and Meadham engaged in a furious all-action kung fu, flame pistol and pickaxe fight. Meadham's skin appeared to ripple in active defence every time he was hit. Randall eventually dropped to the ground after a vicious double nipple tweak, and Christina passed out after being punched in her ample belly.

Derek found his sight coming back and as the image came into focus he realised that he was the only member of the party still conscious and a blood crazed Meadham staring straight at him.

Is this it for our heroes ? Is Calcutta where it all ends ? How has the Frenchman got closest to the Crown ? Will Dr Singh activate the Haftoran Device before or after he seals the deal on his hot date ? Find out next time………
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Jeremy
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Re: Pulp Cthulhu

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You gave…. Dr Singh ….. a nuclear device?!?!! :shock: :o
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Re: Pulp Cthulhu

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Randall, Christina, Karina and Derrick awoke suspended upside down. Joshua Meadham stood in front of them and begin to lecture them on the finer details of his infallible plan. He would be able to enter Mu through the portal that has been built on Snake Island in Brazil and from there use the city's manufacturing technology to subjugate mankind and re-establish the Serpent Person empire. The Dreamer he believes will unwittingly help him by drawing away the guardians, while his daughter is a fool who will destroy the planet with fire and brimstone. He also pointed out that he knew that Hilaire had freed the Dreamer from the New York HQ.

Randall tried to interrupt several times but found his nipples tweaked most painfully as a result. Having divulged his plan Meadham then left the building, switching on some machinery as he left. The heroes became aware they were suspend on a steel cable that was now moving inexorably towards a huge pair of steel washing mangles……

Meanwhile Dr Singh was entertaining himself with his newest lover when she started acting strangely. She said she had been sent visions by the strange old woman from the museum. And those visions said that they must kill Rose Meadham the next morning at breakfast. Singh responded as only he knew how and persuaded to first join in a session of bondage play - and managed to tie her to the bed before she went crazier. At this point the faithful taxi driver Shreekant appeared and persuaded Singh to come and help his colleagues who had been taken away by Meadham in a laundry van.

With Singh rushing to their rescue, the other heroes realised that they were doomed and decided to free themselves before being rolled into human pancakes. Christina managed to free her wrists and with some inspired flame pistol shooting she melted the cable just before her enormous bulk was sucked into the mangle. Dr Singh arrived just too late to be in any way useful. So no change there.

Across town, Hilaire had caught up with Vikmatji and persuaded him to take him to the Cobra Crown. They went to a temple in the south of the city where there was a crowd of excited and angry people. Doing his finest impression of a police officer, Hilaire bluffed his way into what appeared to be a snake temple. In the basement several mutilated corpses were found and it turned out that the sacred relic - a crown - had been stolen. A witness said that it had been taken by an elder of the temple - Kiran Kapoor. Leaving the temple Hilaire came across a stumbling man that was identified as Kapoor but he could only croak "she stole my face" before he crumbled into dust. Hilaire grabbed the nearest bottle of whisky and the next thing he remembered was being hit by Shreekant's car (again) as the other heroes returned from the laundry to the hotel for a breakfast meeting with Rose.

Back at the hotel Dr Singh freed his crazy lover then remembered that he shouldn't have done that and amazingly persuaded her to be tied up again so he could go down to breakfast without having to murder Rose.

The breakfast with Rose was very civilised. She proposed that the heroes help her by eliminating the Dreamer. She would deal with her father and then they would come to an arrangement where she would spare humanity. Christina used her clairvoyant powers to sense Rose and had a vision of her attending an ancient ceremony and conversing with the evil god Tsathoggua. It was clear that Rose was a serpent person. Nevertheless the deal was agreed and Rose left.

Hilaire protested his innocence about being in league with the Dreamer. Everyone was very convinced. Very convinced. So much so that when he left to further investigate the temple the others tailed him in their car. But both cars came to a halt in a crowded street. Hundreds of people were waving, chanting and gesturing towards a figure high up on a building. Hilaire looked up and recognised the figure. It was Kiran Kapoor, - the man who had crumbled to dust earlier that morning - and he was holding a magnificent golden crown…….

And so we leave it till next time…..

It should be noted that there was no situation the team were presented with during this episode without someone saying "Should we use the nuclear bomb?". Let's hope it's not one of those dangerous ones.
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Re: Pulp Cthulhu

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goat major wrote: Sun Jun 12, 2022 10:02 pm Randall, Christina, Karina and Derrick awoke suspended upside down. Joshua Meadham stood in front of them and begin to lecture them on the finer details of his infallible plan.
Fatal Errors Always Committed By Evil Villains #3 (of a limitless series): Always delay killing the heroes* so you can explain your dastardly plan for global/galactic/universal domination in microscopic detail, thereby giving them just long enough to either devise a way of releasing themselves or be rescued by a colleague.

* obviously "hero(es)" can be a highly relative term - as indeed it is here.
Kein Plan überlebt den ersten Kontakt mit den Würfeln. (No plan survives the first contact with the dice.)
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goat major
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Re: Pulp Cthulhu

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The heroes watched as Kapoor placed the crown on his head and a huge circle of light appeared around him. The crowd hushed and began to press forward to the base of the building that he stood on.Hilaire decided to follow them and got caught up , being swept forward to where Kapoor stood.

Randall's plan was simple - set off the bomb. Now. No one else seemed to buy this - Derrick and Karina rushed forward to catch up with Hilaire. Christine decided to browse the market stalls for food while Dr Singh was strangely quiet.

It became apparent that the crowd were starting to throng together and - strangely - meld into each other. Hilaire felt a compulsion to join their whispering murmur but managed to suppress it. Instead he started to play his flute - hoping to entrance the crown wearer with his magic.

Randall had had enough by this time and fired his game rifle, blasting away her magical armour and leaving a gaping hole in her head. Her disguise fell away and the majestic, infernal splendour of Tyrannissh the ancient sorceress was revealed. Rocked but far from dead she created a magical mist around her and continued her chant.

The people in the crowd were melding, transforming, their bones and teeth rising to the surface, their limbs moulding together, forming a number of huge reptilian beasts. Derrick remembered these from the Sussex Manuscript as being Lloigor - ancient reptile guardian beasts. But their bodies were unmoving.

Seeing this most of the heroes were unconcerned but the horror of it broke Dr Singh's mind. His brain went blank. He had forgotten how to do Science….. Not a problem really. It's not like he was the only one who knew how to operate the bomb.

As Hilaire continued to attempt to charm the Sorceress, Randall put himself on bomb duty. He managed to deduce that if he pressed Ctrl Alt Del then he would be able to flawlessly programme the bomb do whatever he wanted.

Out of the humming circle of light came spirits of serpents that possessed the huge beasts in the street and they began to animate. Tyrannissh stepped off the building and mounted one of the demonic steeds, cackling in triumph but at this moment Hilaire managed to trap her momentarily with the magical flute music.

Derrick, Christina and Karina got back to the taxi. The simple minded Dr Singh fiddled with a goat and put it in the boot of the car.

Randall pressed the big red button on the bomb and the taxi sped off. Randall had set the bomb to go off in 2 minutes, but the mechanics were complicated. He had 3 dials to set. One would work, one would cause the bomb to fail and one would cause an immediate detonation. With a skill in magical inferno devices comes naturally to a big game hunter he just managed to set the correct dial giving Shreekant the finest margin for escaping. With Karina blasting the way ahead he just managed to manoeuvre around a corner with the flames of the bomb merely yards behind.

Hilaire meanwhile, having delayed Tyrannissh, decided to leg it and jump down into Calcutta's smelliest well to escape the fireball. Pulling himself out of the sess pit he was confronted with a very angry Tyrannissh standing in the desolate landscape. He tried to fast talk her, but then found he had raised his own pistol against his forehead and was about to pull the trigger. At the last moment he regained control of his arm and fell to the ground mimicking his own death. Bizarrely Tyrannissh actually bought this….

The rest of the heroes drove back slowly down the market street , but their car was hit by a tremendous blast of energy and was rolled several times. Seeing Tyrannissh walking towards them, Karina aimed her laser staff and despatched the sorceress in a terrible burst of energy.

With the Sorceress dead, Christina attempted to use her psychic powers to connect with her energy, but something went wrong and she collapsed in a twitching fit.

Hilaire staggered into view and - hearing police approaching - the heroes quickly drove off to the airport where they saw a Caduceus plane flying off into the sky.

And there leave it till next time. Everyone miraculously alive. One major villain eliminated. The jewel of the British Empire only partly devasted. Pretty successful this time.
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Jeremy
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Re: Pulp Cthulhu

Post by Jeremy »

Statistically, we have to get something right at some point. It’s the whole ‘monkeys writing Shakespeare’ theory.

Is ‘Hillaire playing his flute’ a euphemism?
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Re: Pulp Cthulhu

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The heroes stocked up on all manner of munitions in Calcutta (it fortuitously turned out that there was an armaments conference going on and Randall knew the organiser - Stinky Hetherington). Having tooled up disgracefully they then flew out destined for Brazil, Dr Singh forgetting that his dinner date was still tied to the bed with a ball gag in place.

Some research on the way revealed Snake Island* to be a small island off Santos in Southern Brazil. Famous for its unique brand of incredibly venomous golden lancehead vipers - reputedly 3 of them for every square yard of land. Nice. They also discovered that Caduceus have a registered office in Santos.

Landing in Santos the heroes noticed a Caduceus flying boat docked out in the harbour. It was then that Dr Singh spotted a youth who looking strangely at them who then fled down an alley. Hilaire gave an initial chase but then gave up.

The team checked into a hotel and - predictably - split up. Randall scouted out the Caduceus office/warehouse. It seemed to be closed but he spotted the youth (from above) leaving.

Dr Singh annoyed people at the harbour and finally got a fat harbour assistant to row him out to the seaplane and then take him to Santos' premier gay bar. Just before he did so the - now familiar - young boy appeared and gave him a piece of paper. It had a drawing on it of an eyeball. And the eyeball blinked at him. Dr Singh gave it back to the boy and told him to show it to Randall and Hilaire at the hotel.

At the hotel the boy arrived at the door, showed Hilaire the note and the eyeball also blinked at him. It was then that the boy's shadow started to rise up his body and begin choking him. They managed to get him outside in bright sunlight and the clearly shaken boy, called Yago revealed that a Doctor man at Caduceus had given him the note. Hilaire consulted the Gospel of Yig which revealed this to be a spell called the Coils of Yig. Only slaying the caster or appealing to Yig can prevent the death-by-shadow of those it has blinked at.

Dr Singh discovered some information at the gay bar in return for [REDACTED]. An American woman was asking around a few days ago for boats to take her to Snake Island. Also Caduceus having being paying boat owners to refuse to take passengers to the island, and they have also bought up all the local stocks of anti venom.

Returning to the other heroes Singh thought he saw his shadow turn to look at him. The curse was starting to take effect. The heroes decided they were going to have assault the Caduceus headquarters….. And that will be our next episode

* Snake Island is a real place. This video about it is quite fun https://youtu.be/kjaz0mynQvk
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Re: Pulp Cthulhu

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